"Tis the Season"....

I get sad this time of year.

Along with the sadness, this really is my favorite holiday though, I need to add.

My mother passed away when I was 10 years old. It was a very long drawn out ordeal. Because she was praciticing under a religion that did not use doctors or medicine, she wasted away over a period of about nine months, on the living room couch, in extreme pain, from breast cancer. She died on December 2, 1977.

This is something no kid should ever go through. When your parent dies at such a young age (and I believe it is even more so with Mothers since they bore you), the child you were dies. You stop growing at the age you were in alot of different ways.

Sometimes I can talk about it, write about it, and it seems that I feel nothing. Other times, I start to tell the story and my voice cracks or tears start streaming down my face - as they are now.

I don't know why this year seems different. I am a little more sensitive about nothing in particular. I need to make a conscious effort to be nice to my husband, and sometimes force myself to get out of the house.

When I hear "White Christmas" sung by Bing Crosby I almost always cry (I think he died that year too). It's like I am right back there, the days after her death, when all of us kids were crying for days it seemed and that movie was on the T.V.

I'm in my forties now and I have to think what she looked like. Of course I have pictures, but the memories are there with her blurry.

I really don't know why I decided to go down this road on this post...it so was not what I had in mind when I began writing. I usually try to keep my blog more "business like" as it were, but I guess I needed to share a piece of my life.

Love your Mothers and tell them often. And if you don't have that kind of relationship with her, then try to do whatever "loving kindness" you can, as you would to another human being.

Be thankful for what you have....

Kindness to everyone, and thank you for letting me share with you...